The BookFetish Blog

My Uncle Mac died this morning. He’d gone into the hospital for a relatively minor procedure, but they wanted to keep him overnight for observation. About two o’clock this morning, he had a massive heart attack. He was my mom’s last surviving brother, and of the ten children in my mom’s family, only three are left now.

Uncle Mac was, to put it mildly, a character. He’d had a colorful life, and thanks in no small part to booze, he made his share of mistakes. He had a wealth of physical problems over the last few years, some of which were probably caused or exacerbated by the drinking, others just the luck of the draw. The men in my mom’s family tend to be inundated with health issues- heart disease and diabetes chief among them. The women, on the other hand, have an incredible longevity, although we do tend to go a little crazy and/or suffer from Alzheimer’s… so I’m not always sure which is better, although it means I’ll probably have my mom with me for several more years, and I’m glad of that.

But I digress. As I said, Uncle Mac was a character. He got me my very first bottle of corn liquor. And although the jug I have now didn’t come from him, I’ll do a shot in his honor later tonight. One time, Uncle Mac thought it would be a good idea to have the UPS man deliver the corn liquor to me, since it’s harder to find where I live. I convinced him this was NOT a good idea. But he always felt weird asking my mom, his sister, to get it to me. Some odd sort of honor in protecting his sister from anything that might at all be viewed as unsavory, despite what he himself might do.

Uncle Mac had a soft spot for my mom and for their youngest sister. I know he must have caused them much consternation, but he called them often and ended every call to them with “I love you, Sis.” And whether he’d had a few beers or not, he meant every word.

He’d also call me on occasion, and we’d chat for a bit about what was going on in my life and in his. I think, of the cousins in my generation, I’m the only one who had any real interaction with him. He was salty and cantankerous and lived life by his rules, and for that I loved him. So when I updated my Facebook status this morning with a little “RIP” dedication to him, and a few words about his rebelliousness and the fact that I would be toasting him later this evening, most of my friends loved the spirit of what I had said.

One cousin sent me a private message asking if it was our “uncle” who had been too drunk to attend one funeral and whose drinking had caused his health to be so bad he couldn’t travel to attend another one. That pissed me off. I know he was in no shape to attend the funeral she mentioned. When his oldest sister died, it threw him for a loop and he did turn to drinking. I’m not excusing him, I’m just able to see that with his disease, he didn’t know what else to do at the time. And he did have crippling gout and other issues that made it difficult for him to travel. I know he hated not being able to attend some of the other funerals. I understand that my cousin has some resentment towards him. That’s her baggage. She has no real relationship with him. But it pissed me off that she brought her baggage to me. I’ve decided to not respond. There’s nothing to be gained from it.

The fact of it is, that of my mom’s six brothers, Mac was the one who called her the most, just to chat and check on her, especially in the years after my dad died (in all fairness, three of mom’s brothers had died before my dad, so, you know, them calling her would have been really freaky- but you get my point). That my cousin is making comments that take away from the relationship between Mac and my mom makes me angry. My mom’s feelings would be so hurt if she saw the note my cousin sent to me. Thankfully, no one in my family reads my blog, so I’m pretty sure what I’m saying here won’t get back to them, but if it does I’ll deal with the repercussions.

So,Uncle Mac, I’m sure you’re cutting up and raising a little hell wherever you are. I know you had some regrets in your later years, and I know you made peace with what really mattered. Cheers.

Update – I don’t think I’ve ever updated a post before, but I wanted to share what I learned about arrangements for my Uncle. There are none. He left instructions that he wanted no fuss, and that he wanted his body to be donated to science. I’ve often thought the same thing myself- makes me wonder if I get it from him. But I thought that was an incredibly selfless thing to do. It’s sad, in a way, because I don’t know if we as a family will come together to mourn/send him off. But what a gift to give your body in this way. Because of his health problems, he couldn’t donate his organs. But still, someone might be save by what he’s doing. Cheers again.

I finished the Fifty Shades trilogy a week or so ago. Much like the first two books, I feel like this one was “meh” although more entertaining than the second book.

The plot contrivance I wondered about at the end of book 2? Well, I still think it could have been left out, but it did play a bigger role than I anticipated in Fifty Shades Freed. Still, the same things that bothered me about the first two books continued to annoy me here. Christian is still stalker-controlling. Finally, towards the end, he appeared to relax a small little bit. I did like that Ana continued to grow a backbone in this installment, but she still came across as a little too immature.

And the cliches…. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but OF COURSE Ana finds herself in a particular situation and OF COURSE Christian reacts in a less than ideal way. And OF COURSE it works out perfectly in the end.

The smut was still a bit tedious, but somehow less annoying than in book two.

My verdict on the series? As a mindless read, pure entertainment, it meets the bill. It’s certainly rooted in fan fiction, and the writing leaves much to be desired. But EL James does give us enough in the characters of Christian and Ana that I did want to know how things ended for them, and hoped for the best.

In Divergent, Veronica Roth gave us a great heroine in Tris and set us up well for an adventurous saga. Insurgent picks up the story and fans of Veronica Roth will not be disappointed.

Packed full of action, Insurgent brings a revolt against the Erudite and shows the cracks in the foundations of the Factions and the Factionless. Tris is guilt-ridden over her actions at the end of Divergent and she’s lost confidence in her own judgement. Tris and Tobias (Four) don’t know who they can trust. Unlikely alliances are forged, and former allies become enemies.

A sequel always makes me nervous, especially when I adored the first book. Roth maintains the best of Divergent in this continuation of the saga. Tris is still a fantastic heroine- of course she’s more vulnerable and confused in Insurgent but this doesn’t read as a weakness. Instead, it comes across as authentic because of everything going on. The relationship between Tris and Tobias remains complex, but again in a good way. Roth introduces good tension between them as she has Tris wary of  Tobias’ reaction to a new character introduced in this book (I don’t want to spoil anything, so that’s about as much as I’ll say about that) and struggles with whether or not using Marcus is betraying Tobias.

I mentioned earlier that Insurgent is action packed, and it is.  It’s done in a way that advances the story and reveals more about the various factions and the factionless.  I think Roth is on a good trajectory here.  She took the end of this book in a direction I wasn’t expecting, and set up a very interesting premise for the third book.  It will be long wait for the next installment, which I believe will be out next year.

If you haven’t read Divergent yet, definitely start with it. But have your copy of Insurgent handy, too, because you’re going to want to keep reading.

Stop. Just stop.

That was my reaction this morning when I put Pandora on to provide some background music while I was working.  I was inundated with ads about finding single men in my area.

Facebook does the same thing.

It’s exhausting.

Because I would like to be in a relationship, find the man of my dreams, who fits in my reality.  For a number of reasons I won’t bore you with here, online dating isn’t for me.  But it is hard to meet people. A lot of my hobbies are relatively solitary activities.  The causes I currently volunteer with don’t provide much opportunity. Work isn’t a great option.  My friends either don’t have single male friends or wouldn’t recommend the ones they do know.

However, I’m of the mind that you can’t complain about your situation if you’re unwilling to do anything to change it. I took drastic action.  I hired a matchmaker.  It’s a weird thing to do that, but in my day job, I work largely as a consultant, bringing together people and technology to meet end goals- so why not apply the theory to my own life and hire someone who has a much more vast network than I do, and allow them to help me meet people I would not otherwise encounter?

I’ve had three dates so far. I really liked the first guy and we went out twice. I thought things were fine on the second date, but now I’ve not heard from him in over a week. He’s not into me. That’s fine.  I’m not into everyone I meet, either, but I’m glad I at least met him.

The second guy was nice enough, but neither of us was interested in a second date.  Isn’t it always easier when the feelings (or lack thereof) are mutual?

The third date went well enough that we planned a second date, but then that didn’t happen- he said he would call with a plan and details for the evening… and never did.  Whatever. Next.

No one that I know has ever said dating is easy.  I’ve reached an age where I’m tired of dating, but know it’s something that needs to be done if I’m ever to meet anyone.  It doesn’t help that  I’m not very good at it. I’m not a natural flirt; it’s very hard for me to open up with people I don’t know well.  I don’t really like talking about it to my friends- somehow, here on this blog with its degree of anonymity, it’s easier to lay it all on the table. Maybe it’s the catharsis of getting it out of my head and onto paper (or screen, as is the case).

But when I see all these ads from any site – which I suppose they are picking up from a “single” status on Facebook- I don’t tend to talk about dating in my Facebook updates- it brings to the forefront that somehow being single makes me incomplete or defective, and that my focus must be on finding a mate.

Then, my friend Dove posted this on her Facebook today (disclaimer: Dove posted this from another source- I do not know the original poster/author to credit):

SIngle… is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others

And I like a lot of the sentiment in this, but it isn’t quite right, either.  It implies that partnership means a weakness, and I don’t believe that is a universal truth. While partnering might be a weakness for some, I believe that successful relationships are complementary to each person, not a sign of weakness, but a melding of strengths.

I do like the part of the statement, though, that says you don’t have to be coupled to live and enjoy life. Because I have a very fulfilling and happy life as I am currently. It would be nice to share it, but I don’t feel incomplete because I’m not married.  I just wish it wasn’t in my face all the time.

Fifty Shades Darker, the second book in the “Fifty Shades” trilogy, could have been about fifty pages (maybe more) shorter. I get that it’s sort-of erotica that’s trying to still have a story line. But really, it’s OK to go more than three pages (or what felt like only three pages) without yet another tryst. Seriously. How do these people get anything done?

But before I rant more, let me talk about what I liked in this one. Christian opens up more. Ana gets a bit of a backbone. Their relationship progresses on a mental and emotional, not just physical level. I Christian was more human, more authentic in this book. For all of his flaws, he does love Ana, and she loves him.  And although Christian is more controlling than I would be comfortable with in a relationship, it seems to work for them.I’m still interested enough to see how things end in the final book.

BUT….

Frankly, I was bored in this one.   It truly did feel like Ana and Christian were jumping into bed every third page.  It got redundant after a while. Ana’s constant “Jeez” got on my nerves.  And I finally figured out what bugs me about Christian.  It’s the same way  I felt about Edward in the Twilight books.  Christian is too damn controlling.  It’s ridiculous how he yells at Ana while she’s driving, how he gets mad every time she even speaks to another man, even though she is with Christian and it is obvious NOTHING is going on with the other guy.  It stifled me just reading it.

And, Ana’s constant worry that when she speaks her mind, Christian is going to be mad. That’s not healthy.  I was glad to see Christian break out of his self-loathing (more or less) but the change felt rather sudden to me.  I suppose that’s the beauty of fiction- you can suspend reality within a story if you need to.  Now, without being too spoiler-y, I felt like the end of Fifty Shades Darker is a complete plot contrivance that won’t really drive Christian and Ana’s relationship forward, but was added to build up some drama or action that is really secondary to the story (and I will freely admit if I am wrong when I read book 3).

This one was a much slower read for me than Fifty Shades of Grey.  We’ll see how things end up in the final book.