The BookFetish Blog

In U2’s Mofo, Bono sings about “…looking for to fill that God-shaped hole…” That phrase kept running through my head when I read back through the list of selections I’ve blogged this year. I noticed I have a few books around turning away from traditional religion, and books on personal growth and finding happiness.  I think these things are all related. When you’ve learned that what you’re looking to fill isn’t a God-shaped hole after all, you have to face that fact that you just aren’t happy.  You can decide to accept that and go on, living a grey and bland life, or you can ask and answer the hard questions and figure out how to be happy.

Bono calls The Edge a “Zen Presbyterian.”  I’ve read quotations from the Dalai Lama.  I’ve heard of the eight-fold path, and the path to enlightenment.  I’m the first to call Karma a mean bitch.  But I really didn’t have a good idea of what Buddhism is.  And it kept cropping up in things I was reading, in conversations with multiple people.  So I decided I needed to know a little more.


I read two books together for my introduction to Buddhism. The first, Buddhism for Beginners by Thubten Chodron, provides an overview of Buddhism, its tenets, and its methodology in the form of questions and answers.  I found it to be straightforward, presenting sometimes abstract ideas in language that is easy to understand.  From an overview of Buddhism to how to practice and how to treat ones Buddhist teachers, this book provides a solid overview without trying to indoctrinate.


The second book I read is How to Practice the Way to a Meaningful Life by His Holiness the Dalai Lama.  Translated by a Professor of Tibetan Studies at the University of Virginia, How to Practice is the Dalai Lama’s own story and his own beliefs and teachings about Tibetan Buddhism.  He provides detailed reasoning behind and analysis of the Three Ways to Practice: Morality,Wisdom, and Tantra.


I found How to Practice to be somewhat more abstract and philosophical.  Still very interesting, but I had to concentrate more on it as I read. No distractions.  Which, ironically, is a part of the message- being focused and mindful.


So, while I won’t pretend to be any kind of expert on Buddhism, I will recap briefly some things I learned and observed while reading these two books.


First, many of the principles of Buddhism can be practiced whether one is religious or not. Little that I have seen in my admittedly narrow reading of the subject indicates anything offensive to any of the major religions with which I am familiar. Similarly, there’s not a doctrine evident in these readings that would be offensive to someone who does not practice any religion.


Second, I think most of us could benefit from the basic teachings of Buddhism. Some of these are illustrated in other religions as well, but the judgement often present there is not obvious in Buddhism. For example, Harm none. Do what you can to make things better for other people.  Be wisely selfish. Realize our actions impact other people and things. Be mindful of your actions. Practice moderation. Be charitable. Eliminate suffering where you can. 


I could go on, but you get the idea.  While I don’t intend to become a Buddhist, there are a few things I took away from these books that I intend to use. I’m going to  look at things from a new perspective. Buddhism teaches that our enemies teach us tolerance.  I think that if you substitute obstacles- something a little more abstract- for enemies, then you can think of obstacles teach tolerance.  Ironically, I read that right after being incredibly annoyed about something. It was so interesting that after I read that, it was easier for me to not get upset over the situation.  Just figured, ok, dealing with these idiots is going to teach me some tolerance.  And I let go of a lot of my frustration.


I’m also going to practice more meditation. I’ve done it off and on, and I do see its benefits. After reading so much about it here, I like the idea of taking time out, of focusing, of letting the clutter of my mind escape once in a while.


Curious about Buddhism? I’d recommend reading these two together.


http://www.amazon.com/How-Practice-Meaningful-Holiness-Dalai/dp/B002PJ4IBG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276735900&sr=1-1


http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Beginners-Thubten-Chodron/dp/1559391537/ref=sr_1_

When I started Wendy Wax’s The Accidental Bestseller I expected something else.    And I’ll be honest. For the first hundred or so pages, I was enjoying the book but not devouring it.  I was ready to chalk it up to a pleasant summer read, with a predictable path and characters.  It made for a nice few pages to read before bed, but I didn’t see it as one that would make me excited about a blog post.


But then, something changed.  Having been neglectful of my reading, I took the book off the night stand, and brought it downstairs.  I wanted to be entertained by a good story. I sat on the sofa, the iPod playing a nice mellow mix in the background, and I turned the next page.


 Unexpectedly, I was sucked into the story, and I realized it wasn’t the story that was lacking, it was my attention to it.


The Accidental Bestseller provides an inside look at the publishing world, focusing on Kendall Aims and three of her author friends. When Kendall undergoes monumental professional and personal crises simultaneously, the friends band together in a rather unorthodox way to help her reach the deadline for her next novel.  The four agree to collaborate with Kendall on the novel, each voicing their own characters and each- unknowing to the others- pulls from her personal life to create the story.  The ghost authors must remain a secret, and they all assume their secrets will remain safe.


Truth and secrets play unexpected starring themes in The Accidental Bestseller, and in turn, make it a much more compelling read than I anticipated when I first opened the book. Even as I was reading, thoughts abounded about keeping secrets and telling truths.  How many of us, no matter how close we are to someone else, still hold back a part of ourselves, still keep our own secrets?  I don’t care if it is because we are ashamed of something, or scared, or just private.  Is there some small part of us that we hold back under the misguided (or accurate) assumption that those we hold dear can’t handle that part of us?  If we say we trust someone implicitly- a best friend, a spouse- do we owe telling them everything about us? What if it is just to assuage our conscience?


Similarly, can we still be truthful by remaining silent?  What happens if we decide to put the truth out there?  Or if the truth is found out, and exposed for us?  Where do we draw the line at full disclosure and deciding that we have the right to keep some things to ourselves if we want to?


Set primarily in the metro Atlanta area and New York City, I enjoyed reading about so many places with which I am familiar.  Wax authentically captures Atlanta and its surrounding areas, something I am always appreciative of since it is an area I know well. The unique plot through the publishing industry, the intricacies of the agent, publisher, and author relationship, were really fascinating. That’s an area I don’t know much about and I feel like I had an “insider’s view” into the arena.  I’m glad I read it, and I look forward to reading Ms. Wax’s latest book, Magnolia Wednesdays.


http://www.amazon.com/Accidental-Bestseller-Wendy-Wax/dp/0515148075/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276563120&sr=1-1

Someone said to me yesterday, “No one cares about your stupid blog.”  Which made me start thinking.  I think we all know that the instant we put something out for public consumption, it is open for debate. Not everyone is going to love it.  That’s life.  


I’ve been pleasantly surprised by every kind word I’ve received about this blog.  I’ve been surprised by the people who read it. I love hearing people say they are reading a book because I talked about it here. I like hearing other people’s opinions about the selections I’ve read.  There’s always some different perspective.  So I am really glad I’m doing this.


I think, though, that for any of us who post blogs- no matter the subject- that while we hope for readers and hope to engage people in these little facets of our lives, we’re really doing this for ourselves.  If no one looked at this, I would still read 52 books this year, and still record my thoughts about them because it is meaningful to me.


I am so glad I did this.  And I’m glad I created the Twitter account to chronicle what I am doing for the blog. I’ve “met” so many wonderful people through it. I’ve been exposed to books and authors and articles and thoughts I would never have known about otherwise.  


I’m not trying to change the world with this little blog. I’m just talking about something that’s important to me.  People may not care about it- that’s OK.  I’m doing it for me.  But for those of you who do read it, who do ask me what I’m reading next, or make suggestions for me to add to the list: Thank You.  It is more meaningful than you know, and I’m glad we’re sharing the wonderful world of words.

I woke up this morning feeling like a Real Housewife of…. What started as a low key, fun night out turned into high drama and  ended appallingly. What do you do when there’s a toxic person in the tribe?  When times out with your friends are fraught with tension because you just don’t know what is going to set off that person?


I’ve been faced with this situation only twice.  In the first instance, I chose to stop associating with the person.  It was easy to do at the time. I was traveling a lot for work, in town only on the weekends. It was easy to have other plans and just stop seeing this friend.  At the same time, many of our mutual friends were also seeing the dark side of this person and also curtailing the time they spent with her.  There are times when I still wish this friendship had not had to end. This woman can  be wickedly funny. But she can also be plain wicked.  And five years later, I can say that I am much happier without this woman in my circle of friends.  Cutting ties with her has proven to be the best thing to do. 


Last night’s incident is trickier. The best solution in this situation is also for me to limit the time I spend around this person. That’s not an ideal situation, though, because it also means limiting time I get to spend with other people I care about very much.  That feels like I’m punishing myself.  But I know I can control only myself and my reactions. That means that if I don’t want the drama,  no one is forcing me to be in situations where it can be created. I can disengage from it, not respond to it.  


I am a little nervous about how this decision is going to play out.  It will shift dynamics between a group of good friends.  But life is too short to spend it with people who don’t make you feel good.


What about any readers? How have you handled situations like this in the past?